I am behind with this blog. I am still catching up from a while ago – I scribble down notes, or make a quick rough draft in Microsoft Word, and finalise it when I can. Part of the problem is that Jon and I can’t decide on a name for the blog! Get your act together Lizz!
[Author’s note: We finally decided on Down With Asa, one of the first we ever thought of! Funny yet frustrating]
Tonight I have been working on the timeline of Asa’s life so far, from the pregnancy through to now. Simultaneously, I have also been working on the pieces of the puzzle that made up the prenatal potential diagnosis of Down Syndrome, through to receiving the confirmation a few days after Asa was born.
As a result, it has been an emotional night reflecting on Asa’s journey through the pregnancy and those early weeks in the Neonatal Unit at UHW. It always happens when I’m working on the blog. Going back over those memories that would prefer to stay hidden in the deep, dark place of my brain.
Tonight I’ve been reliving the moment we found out there was a possible problem and the awful statistics given to us that are forever burned into my heart. 50% chance of a chromosome abnormality, 10% chance of a heart defect (but no chromosome abnormality), 15% chance the baby would not survive (e.g. miscarriage or being stillborn), 25% chance of no complications and a typical, healthy baby. When we were first given these statistics, I saw them every time I closed my eyes, in bright yellow lights. It was awful. Now I am thankful that these memories are fading, and that God comforts us.
“He [God] tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.”
~ Isaiah 40 v 11
So while those horrible memories and statistics are at the forefront of my mind again as I work steadily on Asa’s story, we can move forward in the knowledge that both our children are perfect, healthy, and so very precious… Also in the knowledge that we have an awesome God who never, ever leaves us, and who is gently guiding us.