Our Little Light

Today has been an emotional day. The hospital rang to say that Asa’s hearing test had been done this afternoon. He passed in one ear but not in his other. I can’t remember which way round it is. This doesn’t necessarily mean a permanent hearing loss in the ear – it could be fluid in the ear, a faulty test, or some other problem – but I’m afraid terrified he may be deaf in one ear. I know that this is not the end of the world, yet I have been in floods of tears. We have been told that around 50% of those with DS have vision and/or hearing problems, and 50% don’t. We’ve been hoping and praying that he fell in to the latter group. I had my mum and cousin around for lunch earlier when I had the phone call, so it was hard to remain ‘normal’ while wanting to run and hide!

For some reason, that phone call has really upset me. All day it has been on my mind and tears have pricked me eyes throughout the day. The thought of our precious son suffering any kind of medical problem is almost too much to bear. I don’t want him to have any hearing loss. I don’t want him to have any vision problems. I don’t want there to be anything wrong with him. No-one would wish any difficulties on their children. It’s triggered off fears of a more difficult life than imagined when I fell pregnant so easily this time around. Obviously life with two children will be harder, but I get so fearful of how much more difficult life might be, now that we know Asa has DS. Part of it is the ‘unknown’ that is so scary. I wish with all my heart I wasn’t so fearful and negative.

I was watching a bit of ‘Glee’ on TV today while Emelia was napping. Will, the choir leader, goes regularly to visit the children’s cancer ward in the local hospital. Each time he goes in he takes his ukulele and sings to, and with, the children. Will leads them in a beautiful rendition of the following song:

“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Hide it under a bushel – NO! I’m gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO! I’m gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO! I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!”

I started crying again at this point. Seeing all the beautiful characters singing along was really moving. I realised that Asa is like our little light – we’ve got to let him shine. Let him somehow shine out the love of Jesus for the world to see, for God’s glory. I will not ‘hide’ Asa under a ‘bushel’. God has a purpose for our precious son. He doesn’t make mistakes. He will one day fulfil His purpose for Asa for all to see.

I tweeted this today:
“This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!” – Asa is our little light to shine in the world to reflect Christ’s love & goodness.


Yes there will be challenges ahead, but this little boy (in addition to our 2 and a half year old) will bring much joy – not just to our lives but to the lives of others. He may lead a simpler life than his friends but we pray that through him we can bring people closer to Jesus somehow – through the many doctors / hospital appointments, through celebrating his differences, through encouraging him to love Jesus with all his heart, through being a little light in the world. Both our children are little lights of ours and we do pray they will shine out the love of Jesus from their hearts, that all may see Him in them and want to know Him more…

Asa needs love, protection,and encouragement to reach his full beautiful potential, and his little flame will burn ever more brightly as he gets older and learns different things, especially just how much he is loved, not just by us, our wider family and church – but by the Creator Himself. xx

(NB. All babies now have this newborn screening hearing test shortly before being discharged from hospital, so while it’s been an emotional day because of his potential hearing impairment, it’s also positive because it means he may be home soon! Although not trying to get our hopes up too much).

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